1
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,511
DUNDER MIFFLIN
IS ABOUT TO BE SOLD.

2
00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:13,805
BUT FIRST, AN INVESTMENT BANKER
HAS TO DROP BY

3
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:15,557
AND SIGN OFF ON OUR BRANCH.

4
00:00:15,598 --> 00:00:19,019
AND I'M PRETTY NERVOUS
ABOUT IT.

5
00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:24,399
AND I'M...MAKING
SOME COSMETIC TWEAKS

6
00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:29,404
TO HELP CREATE A MORE
APPEALING ENVIRONMENT.

7
00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:30,905
IS THAT DISHONEST?

8
00:00:30,947 --> 00:00:32,449
WELL, THINK OF IT THIS WAY.

9
00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:34,367
WHEN YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR
AND YOU SEE YOUR PUSH-UP BRA

10
00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:36,870
AND YOUR FAKE EYELASHES
AND YOUR MAKEUP,

11
00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:39,414
AND YOUR PRESS-ON NAILS,

12
00:00:39,456 --> 00:00:42,167
THE PRINCIPLES THAT
I'M APPLYING TO THE OFFICE

13
00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:45,295
ARE THE SAME ONES THAT HAVE
MADE LADY GAGA A STAR.

14
00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:47,380
OR ANY NUMBER
OF DRAG QUEENS.

15
00:00:47,422 --> 00:00:50,342
{\an8}[cheerful music]

16
00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:57,349
{\an8}♪ ♪

17
00:01:12,697 --> 00:01:14,032
{\an8}HI.

18
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,867
{\an8}[in a robotic voice]
HELLO, ERIC WARD.

19
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:18,286
{\an8}WELCOME TO DUNDER MIFFLIN.

20
00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:23,041
{\an8}I AM COMPUTRON,
YOUR ANSWER TO EVERYTHING.

21
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,626
{\an8}HELLO.

22
00:01:24,668 --> 00:01:26,044
{\an8}HELLO.

23
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,879
{\an8}I SEE YOU'VE MET COMPUTRON,
OUR VIRTUAL HELPER.

24
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,547
{\an8}I'M MICHAEL SCOTT.

25
00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:31,049
{\an8}WELCOME, WELCOME.

26
00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:34,386
{\an8}COMPUTRON IS JUST
ONE OF THE MANY MODERN DEVICES

27
00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:37,305
{\an8}THAT I HAVE INCORPORATED
INTO THE OFFICE.

28
00:01:37,347 --> 00:01:39,474
{\an8}- WATCH THIS. COMPUTRON.
- YES?

29
00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:41,559
{\an8}WHAT IS THE WORLD'S
LARGEST OCEAN?

30
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:43,728
{\an8}CALCULATING.

31
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,230
{\an8}CALCULATING.

32
00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:46,272
{\an8}PACIFIC!

33
00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:49,901
{\an8}PACIFIC OCEAN.
PRETTY COOL, HUH?

34
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:51,403
{\an8}WOULD YOU LIKE TO HANG UP
YOUR COAT?

35
00:01:51,444 --> 00:01:52,529
{\an8}YES.

36
00:01:52,570 --> 00:01:54,489
{\an8}THERE IS A RACK BEHIND YOU,
MR. WARD.

37
00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:56,241
{\an8}THANK YOU, COMPUTRON.

38
00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:58,326
{\an8}FEEL FREE TO USE ANY
OF THE HOOKS.

39
00:01:58,368 --> 00:02:00,453
{\an8}- THAT'S ENOUGH, COMPUTRON.
- OKAY.

40
00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:02,080
{\an8}I THOUGHT IT WAS
A PRETTY GOOD IDEA.

41
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,415
{\an8}WE HAVE DWIGHT'S VOICE
PASSED THROUGH

42
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:05,083
{\an8}ALL THE SPEAKER PHONES
IN THE OFFICE,

43
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:07,794
{\an8}BUYER WALKS IN,
THINKS THAT WE HAVE

44
00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:11,131
{\an8}A FRIENDLY SUPERCOMPUTER
WHO RUNS THE PLACE.

45
00:02:12,757 --> 00:02:17,137
{\an8}HAD I ACTUALLY HAD
A SUPERCOMPUTER,

46
00:02:17,178 --> 00:02:20,890
{\an8}HE MIGHT HAVE TOLD ME THAT
THAT WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA.

47
00:02:20,932 --> 00:02:22,851
{\an8}- ANY MESSAGES?
- YES.

48
00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:25,311
{\an8}THE GOVERNOR CALLED.
HE SAID THANK YOU.

49
00:02:25,353 --> 00:02:27,063
{\an8}WELL, TELL HIM,
"I TOLD YOU SO."

50
00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:28,440
{\an8}WHAT'S THE SECOND MESSAGE?

51
00:02:28,481 --> 00:02:29,774
{\an8}THE TREASURY CALLED.

52
00:02:29,816 --> 00:02:31,317
{\an8}DUNDER MIFFLIN PAPER
IS BEING USED

53
00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:33,611
{\an8}FOR COUNTERFEIT CURRENCY--
THAT'S HOW GOOD IT IS.

54
00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:36,114
{\an8}WELL, THAT'S THE PRICE YOU
PAY FOR BEING THE BEST.

55
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,532
{\an8}GREAT NEWS, MICHAEL.

56
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:40,118
{\an8}WE'RE NOW THE OFFICIAL
PAPER SUPPLIER OF THE NFL.

57
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,078
{\an8}THAT IS FANTASTIC.

58
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,496
{\an8}IT'S GOOD,
BUT IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH.

59
00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:44,789
{\an8}KEEP WORKING.

60
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,124
{\an8}AND HERE'S PAM.

61
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,876
{\an8}SHE'S OUR INTERNATIONAL
SALES CONSULTANT.

62
00:02:47,917 --> 00:02:49,377
{\an8}HELLO--

63
00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:52,255
{\an8}THE NFL CELEBRATED
ITS 50TH ANNIVERSARY

64
00:02:52,297 --> 00:02:54,591
{\an8}IN 1972.

65
00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:58,595
{\an8}<i>OLA. BONJOUR. NI HAO.</i>

66
00:02:58,636 --> 00:03:00,263
{\an8}IT MIGHT SEEM CRAZY,

67
00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:02,432
{\an8}BUT SINCE THERE'S NO ONE
LEFT IN NEW YORK,

68
00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:06,811
{\an8}MICHAEL IS DUNDER MIFFLIN'S
HIGHEST RANKING EMPLOYEE.

69
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:09,314
{\an8}SO THAT'S WHERE WE ARE.

70
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:10,648
HELLO, STANLEY.

71
00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:12,108
HI.

72
00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:15,612
FOR THE RECORD,
NOT ON BOARD WITH FAKE STANLEY.

73
00:03:17,405 --> 00:03:18,656
ALTHOUGH I GET IT.

74
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,784
MICHAEL OFFERED ME
THE DAY OFF WITH PAY,

75
00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:25,163
SAID I DESERVED IT FOR WORKING
SO HARD ALL THESE YEARS.

76
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:27,499
I'M GONNA HAVE ME SOME NICE--

77
00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:30,168
CYNTHIA, IF YOU DON'T COME GET
THESE DOGS FROM JUMPING ON ME,

78
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:32,128
I SWEAR I'LL GO HOME
TO MY WIFE.

79
00:03:32,170 --> 00:03:37,050
LET'S GO IN HERE
FOR JUST A SEC.

80
00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:39,177
AH. THIS IS OUR
CREATIVE THINK-SPACE.

81
00:03:39,219 --> 00:03:40,929
GOOGLE HAS ONE OF THESE.

82
00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:43,515
WHAT IF WE RAN
THE WHOLE THING...

83
00:03:43,556 --> 00:03:44,974
BACKWARDS?

84
00:03:46,142 --> 00:03:48,186
- TOTAL PARADIGM SHIFT.
- LOOK AT THAT.

85
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:49,646
SEE WHAT THE LITTLE ONE'S
DOING?

86
00:03:49,688 --> 00:03:51,356
SHE'S MAKING SOME SWEATERS
FOR THE KITTENS.

87
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:53,024
SOMETIMES THEY GET COLD
AT NIGHT,

88
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,318
SO WE TRY TO HELP 'EM OUT.

89
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,153
THAT'S WHAT'S GREAT
ABOUT THIS PLACE.

90
00:03:57,195 --> 00:03:58,488
GOT SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE,

91
00:03:58,530 --> 00:04:00,532
WHETHER YOU'RE INTO
CUTTING-EDGE THINKING

92
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:02,659
OR PILGRIM VALUES.

93
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:04,119
WOULD YOU LIKE A KITTEN?

94
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,453
HE CANNOT HAVE A KITTEN.

95
00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:06,871
- GIVE HIM A KITTEN.
- NO.

96
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:08,331
YOU HAVE PLENTY OF KITTENS.

97
00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:11,418
ANGELA DATED COMPUTRON
A WHILE BACK.

98
00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:15,422
UH, I'M ALLERGIC TO KITTENS.

99
00:04:15,463 --> 00:04:17,382
LISTEN, I JUST NEED
TO CHECK OUT YOUR WAREHOUSE

100
00:04:17,424 --> 00:04:18,591
AND THEN TALK
TO YOUR H.R. GUY.

101
00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:20,135
THAT IS PRETTY MUCH
THE ONLY REASON

102
00:04:20,176 --> 00:04:21,594
THAT I CAME HERE TODAY.

103
00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:23,013
OKAY. WELL, I THOUGHT
I'D SHOW YOU AROUND A LITTLE BIT

104
00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:24,639
SINCE YOU MADE THE TRIP OUT.

105
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,641
AND I GOT US RESERVATIONS
AT COOPERS SEAFOOD.

106
00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:27,892
YOU LIKE LOBSTER?

107
00:04:27,934 --> 00:04:29,352
YOU'VE HAD LOBSTER BEFORE,
RIGHT?

108
00:04:29,394 --> 00:04:30,687
YEAH.

109
00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:32,147
THEY MAKE THE BEST
MAINE LOBSTER IN THE WORLD.

110
00:04:32,188 --> 00:04:33,398
YOU'LL LOVE IT.

111
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,442
MUL YAM IN TEL AVIV
IS BETTER.

112
00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:36,860
NO, COMPUTRON,

113
00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:38,737
ACTUALLY, I THINK COOPERS
IS THE BEST.

114
00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:40,030
YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.

115
00:04:40,071 --> 00:04:41,906
ARE YOU CALLING ME WRONG?

116
00:04:41,948 --> 00:04:43,324
OH, MY GOD.

117
00:04:43,366 --> 00:04:44,993
COMPUTRON IS NEVER WRONG.

118
00:04:45,035 --> 00:04:46,244
SHUT IT, COMPUTRON.

119
00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,912
COMPUTRON IS TRUTH.

120
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:50,623
BOW DOWN BEFORE COMPUTRON.

121
00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:53,293
ONCE AGAIN, DWIGHT HAS JUST
TAKEN IT TOO FAR.

122
00:04:53,335 --> 00:04:55,378
WHO IS THIS "DWIGHT"?

123
00:04:55,420 --> 00:04:57,297
[sighs]

124
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,592
IT'S CALLED DUE DILIGENCE.

125
00:05:00,633 --> 00:05:03,303
BASICALLY I CONFIRM INVENTORY,
TAKE A HEAD COUNT,

126
00:05:03,345 --> 00:05:06,014
SEE IF THERE ARE ANY
H.R. LIABILITIES.

127
00:05:06,056 --> 00:05:08,600
I'M A GLORIFIED FACT CHECKER.

128
00:05:10,393 --> 00:05:13,063
ACTUALLY,
I AM A FACT CHECKER.

129
00:05:13,104 --> 00:05:15,357
LOTTA BOXES OF STUFF.

130
00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:19,694
NOT THE MOST EXCITING PLACE
DOWN HERE, I GUESS.

131
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:24,949
DARRYL.

132
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,618
WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT PUTTING

133
00:05:26,659 --> 00:05:28,995
OUR BEST FOOT FORWARD
DOWN HERE?

134
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:31,289
THIS IS A COMPLETE BUST.

135
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,166
YOU NEED TO GIVE ME
MORE TIME.

136
00:05:33,208 --> 00:05:35,126
WELL, I TOLD YOU HE WAS GONNA
BE HERE TODAY.

137
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,544
I KNOW,
BUT I NEEDED MORE TIME.

138
00:05:36,586 --> 00:05:38,588
- I WANTED TO PUT ON A SHOW.
- YOU DID?

139
00:05:38,630 --> 00:05:40,256
YEAH. HOT DOG STATION.

140
00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:41,925
- REALLY?
- DANCING GIRLS.

141
00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:43,259
OH.

142
00:05:43,301 --> 00:05:44,844
AN OPERA SINGER THAT'LL
BRING YOU TO TEARS.

143
00:05:44,886 --> 00:05:46,721
WOULD HAVE BEEN SO GOOD.

144
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,640
I DIDN'T HAVE THE TIME.
WE COULD HAVE SEALED THE DEAL.

145
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,266
OKAY.

146
00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:51,976
- LOOKS GOOD.
- WHAT LOOKS GOOD?

147
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:54,145
- IT ALL CHECKS OUT.
- OH, OKAY.

148
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,397
ALL RIGHT. SEE YOU, DARRYL.

149
00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:56,815
BALER FULL OF DIPPIN' DOTS.

150
00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:57,982
YOU'RE KILLING ME, MAN.

151
00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,567
HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS.

152
00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,027
OH, MY GOD.

153
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,487
- HEY, MICHAEL.
- MM-HMM.

154
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:04,489
WE JUST LANDED
THE FOREST SERVICE ACCOUNT.

155
00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,408
SELLIN' IT RIGHT BACK
TO THE SOURCE.

156
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,660
- VERY GOOD, SIR.
- THANK YOU.

157
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:10,954
MY FILES SAY YOU HAVE
3,000 SQUARE FEET,

158
00:06:10,995 --> 00:06:12,789
- BUT THIS IS ONLY 2,000.
- MM-HMM.

159
00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:13,998
IS THE REST BACK THERE?

160
00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,166
NO.

161
00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:17,293
THAT IS AN ABSOLUTE ABYSS.

162
00:06:17,335 --> 00:06:20,213
NOTHING. NOTHING BACK THERE.

163
00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:23,466
WELL, THAT'S IT.

164
00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:25,510
THANKS SO MUCH FOR COMING.

165
00:06:25,552 --> 00:06:27,012
MICHAEL, I HAVE
GLOBAL INVESTMENTS

166
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,430
ON THE LINE FOR YOU.

167
00:06:28,471 --> 00:06:30,682
OOH, WOW.
GLOBAL INVESTMENTS.

168
00:06:30,724 --> 00:06:32,058
THAT'S BIG TIME.

169
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:33,351
I'VE NEVER HEARD OF THEM.

170
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,395
MAJOR INVESTMENT BANK.

171
00:06:35,437 --> 00:06:37,897
THEY HAD A HUGE PART
OF THE FINANCIAL COLLAPSE.

172
00:06:37,939 --> 00:06:39,232
VERY WELL RESPECTED, THOUGH.

173
00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:41,026
- PATCH 'EM THROUGH.
- PATCHING.

174
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:42,402
COMPLETE.

175
00:06:42,444 --> 00:06:43,945
HELLO.

176
00:06:43,987 --> 00:06:45,321
HI, SMITTY.

177
00:06:45,363 --> 00:06:47,198
YOU WORKING HARD
OR HARDLY WORKING?

178
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:49,534
NO, REALLY.

179
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,202
THE APPRAISAL WENT THAT WELL?

180
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,580
OH, THAT'S GOOD NEWS FOR US.

181
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,709
SMITTY'S MY INSIDE GUY OVER
AT GLOBAL INVESTMENTS.

182
00:06:57,751 --> 00:07:01,004
THEY WANNA MAKE A HUGE OFFER
FOR DUNDER MIFFLIN,

183
00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:03,340
SO I HIGHLY RECOMMEND
IF YOU WANNA MAKE AN OFFER,

184
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:05,425
YOU BETTER PULL
THE TRIGGER NOW.

185
00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:07,302
I-I DON'T HAVE THE POWER
TO PULL THE TRIGGER.

186
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:08,762
I JUST NEED TO TALK
TO YOUR H.R. GUY.

187
00:07:08,803 --> 00:07:10,638
YOU HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION
RIGHT NOW

188
00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:12,432
OR WE'RE GONNA SELL
TO YOUR ARCH RIVAL.

189
00:07:12,474 --> 00:07:14,351
I CAN'T EVEN SAY NO.

190
00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:15,769
- OKAY. OKAY.
- BUT NO.

191
00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:17,520
YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S NOT EVEN A HUGE OFFER,

192
00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:19,105
SO IF YOU JUST CAME IN
WITH ANYTHING,

193
00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:20,231
I THINK YOU'D BE FINE.

194
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:23,109
COMPUTRON,
WHERE IS THE H.R. GUY?

195
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:24,652
I CANNOT ANSWER
THAT QUESTION.

196
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,863
BUT THERE IS NOTHING
COMPUTRON CAN'T ANSWER.

197
00:07:26,905 --> 00:07:28,156
BUT I CANNOT ANSWER.

198
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:29,824
BUT THERE IS NOTHING
COMPUTRON CANNOT ANSWER.

199
00:07:29,866 --> 00:07:31,951
BUT I CANNOT ANSWER.
BUT THERE IS NOTHING COM--

200
00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:34,913
THINK I NEED A SUPERCOMPUTER
TO TELL DWIGHT

201
00:07:34,954 --> 00:07:36,623
TO BACK OFF RIGHT NOW.

202
00:07:38,124 --> 00:07:40,293
ALL RIGHT.

203
00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:42,295
- 'SCUSE ME, IF YOU WILL--
- HEY, MICHAEL,

204
00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:43,755
DO YOU THINK I COULD GET
A SPACE HEATER--

205
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,256
FOLLOW ME THIS WAY.
I WILL INTRODUCE YOU

206
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,550
TO THE CRACK H.R. REP
THAT YOU REQUESTED.

207
00:07:47,592 --> 00:07:49,969
I GIVE YOU TOBY FLENDERSON.

208
00:07:50,011 --> 00:07:51,971
HAVE FUN, YOU TWO.

209
00:07:52,013 --> 00:07:53,640
OH, WE WILL.

210
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:55,183
HAVE A SEAT.

211
00:07:58,978 --> 00:08:00,563
MM.

212
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:03,441
I LEFT A COPY OF <i>BEST AMERICAN
MYSTERY STORIES 1999</i>

213
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:04,734
IN TOBY'S FAVORITE STALL,

214
00:08:04,776 --> 00:08:07,487
SO YES, I THINK
I BOUGHT US SOME TIME.

215
00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:09,781
SO.

216
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:13,118
UM, THE MANAGER,
MICHAEL SCOTT

217
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:14,953
IS A BIT OF A CHARACTER.

218
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,329
HE HAS MORE CHARACTER

219
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:17,872
IN A SINGLE FLAKE
OF HIS DANDRUFF

220
00:08:17,914 --> 00:08:19,332
THAN YOU HAVE IN THAT
ENTIRE SNOWBANK

221
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:22,043
ON YOUR SHOULDER.

222
00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:23,795
SO WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?

223
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,630
WHAT ARE--ARE YOU DOING
AT MY DESK?

224
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,299
IGNORE HIM.
HE'S THE LOCAL LUNATIC.

225
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,634
COME ON, DWIGHT.
GET OUT OF HERE.

226
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,511
DWIGHT?
WHO IS THIS DWIGHT?

227
00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:33,346
OH.

228
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:34,973
YOU MEAN DWIGHT SCHRUTE.

229
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,851
THE COMPANY'S TOP SALESMAN
AND THE CREATOR OF COMPUTRON.

230
00:08:37,892 --> 00:08:39,519
I WEAR MANY HATS,

231
00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:41,062
BUT THE ONE
I'M WEARING CURRENTLY

232
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:42,272
IS THAT GRACIOUS HOST.

233
00:08:42,313 --> 00:08:43,648
[chuckles]

234
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,191
WELCOME.

235
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:49,362
SORRY.
HEY, TOBY FLENDERSON.

236
00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:52,115
NICE TO MEET YOU.
HOW CAN I HELP?

237
00:08:52,157 --> 00:08:54,743
UM, ARE THERE ANY
OUTSTANDING LIABILITY ISSUES

238
00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:55,827
TO BE AWARE OF?

239
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,120
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

240
00:08:57,162 --> 00:09:00,081
WELL, SAFETY ISSUES
OR INJURIES

241
00:09:00,123 --> 00:09:02,876
THAT COULD LEAVE THE COMPANY
OPEN TO ANY POTENTIAL LAWSUITS.

242
00:09:04,627 --> 00:09:06,504
UM...

243
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,256
NOTHING COMES TO MIND.

244
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:09,632
GET OFF OF THE LIFT, PLEASE.

245
00:09:09,674 --> 00:09:11,509
- COME ON, NOW.
- I'M FINE, I'M FINE.

246
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:14,304
WOULD YOU--LOOK.
YOU'VE GOTTA--

247
00:09:14,346 --> 00:09:16,014
WHOA, OH, OH!

248
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,391
[lift beeping]

249
00:09:20,393 --> 00:09:21,686
WE'LL GET SOMEBODY
TO CLEAN THAT UP.

250
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,813
WE'RE THE ONES
THAT GOTTA CLEAN THAT UP.

251
00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:25,023
I FEEL VERY BLESSED.

252
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:27,317
DAH!
[thudding sound]

253
00:09:30,320 --> 00:09:31,905
BON APPETIT!

254
00:09:34,366 --> 00:09:36,451
DROP THAT SUCKER.

255
00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:38,411
YEAH...BINGO!

256
00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:39,871
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

257
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,373
OH, CRAP.

258
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:42,957
[car alarm honking]

259
00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:44,334
- DO IT!
- YEAH!

260
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:55,011
TODAY,
SMOKING IS GONNA SAVE LIVES.

261
00:09:56,471 --> 00:09:58,181
[all shouting at once]

262
00:09:58,223 --> 00:10:00,141
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY...

263
00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:01,393
- GET OUT OF THE WAY!
- OSCAR!

264
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:02,727
STAY ALIVE,
I'M GETTING HELP.

265
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,270
- PULL ME UP!
- YOU'RE TOO HEAVY.

266
00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:05,814
I ONLY WEIGH 82 POUNDS.

267
00:10:05,855 --> 00:10:07,107
[cat howling]

268
00:10:07,148 --> 00:10:08,566
SAVE BANDIT.

269
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,318
[Bandit meowing,
crashing sounds]

270
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:11,945
[Bandit shrieks]

271
00:10:11,986 --> 00:10:14,447
SERIOUSLY,
YOU'RE GONNA SIT IN BACK.

272
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:15,782
UH, YEAH.

273
00:10:15,824 --> 00:10:17,409
IT'S THE SAFEST PART
OF A CAR.

274
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:18,702
IN THE EVENT OF A CRASH,

275
00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:21,413
DRIVER ALWAYS PROTECTS
HIS SIDE FIRST.

276
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:22,997
[tires screech]

277
00:10:24,416 --> 00:10:28,044
[labored breathing]

278
00:10:28,086 --> 00:10:30,380
GRR--AAH!

279
00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:33,466
- HAH! AH!
- [screaming]

280
00:10:35,844 --> 00:10:38,388
MY HEAD! AH! NO!

281
00:10:38,430 --> 00:10:39,973
[screaming]

282
00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:41,558
I GOT YOU, I GOT YOU.

283
00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:44,686
[continues screaming]

284
00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:52,110
[bat squeaking]

285
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,820
YOU'RE WELCOME.

286
00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:57,407
- SO THE STAFF--
- MM-HMM.

287
00:10:57,449 --> 00:10:59,117
ARE THE PEOPLE
GENERALLY HAPPY?

288
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,994
[laughs]

289
00:11:02,871 --> 00:11:04,956
OH...

290
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,292
HAPPY'S A FUNNY WORD.

291
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,127
IN WHAT WAY?

292
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,921
YOU KNOW, UH,

293
00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:15,508
YOU KNOW, WHAT DOES IT MEAN
TO BE HAPPY?

294
00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:20,305
KEEP PHILOSOPHERS BUSY
FOR A WHILE.

295
00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:23,099
SO GENERALLY.

296
00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:24,809
- YES.
- GENERALLY.

297
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:26,519
- GENERALLY HAPPY.
- GENERALLY...

298
00:11:26,561 --> 00:11:28,813
[growling]

299
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,273
OW!

300
00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:33,109
- [gasps]
- GAH!

301
00:11:33,151 --> 00:11:36,029
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT STREETS WE MISSED--OW!

302
00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:37,238
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

303
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,698
IT WOULD BE BETTER
IF YOU WERE UNCONSCIOUS.

304
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,326
OW!

305
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:42,494
TRY MY GOOGIE-GOOGIE.

306
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,537
TRY MY GOOGIE-GOOGIE.
TRY MY--

307
00:11:45,622 --> 00:11:47,332
- EXCUSE ME.
- DON'T TOUCH ME, HEY!

308
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:48,750
OW, OW!

309
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:50,335
HEY, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,
WHOA, WHOA! WHOA, WHOA!

310
00:11:50,377 --> 00:11:53,254
CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

311
00:11:53,296 --> 00:11:56,132
OR HAVE WE FORGOTTEN
THE WORDS

312
00:11:56,174 --> 00:11:57,467
OF THE REVEREND KING?

313
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,345
WHAT ABOUT NON-SAFETY
ISSUES

314
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,681
IN TERMS OF LIABILITY?

315
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:05,392
SEXUAL HARASSMENT,
ANYTHING LIKE THAT?

316
00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:07,435
OH, I DON'T KNOW.

317
00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:10,897
YOU--YOU DON'T KNOW?

318
00:12:12,023 --> 00:12:13,692
I DON'T KNOW.

319
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,777
YOU'RE THE HEAD
OF HUMAN RESOURCES.

320
00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:17,529
- I DON'T KNOW. NO.
- OKAY.

321
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:18,905
STANLEY.

322
00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:23,034
HOW ABOUT THAT HOT PICTURE
YOU HAVE BY YOUR DESK?

323
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:25,453
CENTERFOLD IN THE CATHOLIC
SCHOOL GIRLS OUTFIT?

324
00:12:25,495 --> 00:12:27,247
I MEAN, IT IS HOT,
IT IS SEXY,

325
00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:28,581
AND IT TURNS HIM ON.

326
00:12:28,623 --> 00:12:29,874
AND I WILL ADMIT,

327
00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:32,585
THE BEST PART OF MY MORNING
IS STARING AT IT.

328
00:12:32,627 --> 00:12:34,212
BUT WHAT,
ARE WE JUST GONNA TAKE IT AWAY?

329
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:35,714
THAT IS MY DAUGHTER.

330
00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:37,424
SHE GOES TO CATHOLIC
GIRLS' SCHOOL.

331
00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:39,843
MICHAEL.

332
00:12:39,884 --> 00:12:41,219
COME IN.

333
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:42,554
- HEY, HEY, HEY.
- OH, MY GOD.

334
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:43,888
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

335
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:45,557
- BUT YOU SAID, "COME IN"!
- NO, I DIDN'T, JUST--

336
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,183
- OH, MY GOD.
- PLEASE GET OUT.

337
00:12:47,225 --> 00:12:49,894
WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY OUTFIT?

338
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:52,480
YOU MIGHT CONSIDER
PULLING IT DOWN A TOUCH.

339
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:53,857
BUNCH OF PRUDES.

340
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,150
YOU KNOW, OSCAR'S ALLOWED
TO WEAR SANDALS,

341
00:12:55,191 --> 00:12:56,735
BUT I'M NOT ALLOWED TO WEAR
OPEN-TOED SHOES?

342
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,528
IS THAT HOW IT GOES?

343
00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:00,905
- MEREDITH, YOUR BOOB IS OUT.
- FINE.

344
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,907
- NO.
- TOO FAR, MEREDITH, TOO FAR.

345
00:13:02,949 --> 00:13:05,118
DAMN IT, MEREDITH,
WHERE ARE YOUR PANTIES?

346
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,327
IT'S CASUAL DAY.

347
00:13:06,369 --> 00:13:08,204
COME HERE.
GIVE ME A KISS. COME ON.

348
00:13:08,246 --> 00:13:10,290
MICHAEL, COME ON.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY.

349
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:12,417
I'M NOT GONNA REPORT YOU
TO H.R.

350
00:13:12,459 --> 00:13:13,918
I'M NOT WORRIED.

351
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,212
YOU KNOW WHAT, THE ONLY THING
I AM WORRIED ABOUT...

352
00:13:16,254 --> 00:13:18,089
IS GETTING A BONER.

353
00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:20,800
I'M NOT GONNA READ ALOUD

354
00:13:20,842 --> 00:13:22,302
YOUR SUBMITTED
MEDICAL CONDITIONS.

355
00:13:22,344 --> 00:13:23,720
WHEN YOU HEAR YOURS READ,

356
00:13:23,762 --> 00:13:25,805
PLEASE RAISE YOUR HAND
TO INDICATE THAT IT IS REAL.

357
00:13:25,847 --> 00:13:28,600
IF YOU DO NOT RAISE YOUR HAND,
IT WILL NOT BE COVERED.

358
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,810
NUMBER ONE,
INVERTED PENIS.

359
00:13:33,355 --> 00:13:35,565
COULD YOU MEAN VAGINA?

360
00:13:35,607 --> 00:13:38,485
BECAUSE IF YOU DO,
I WANT THAT COVERED.

361
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:39,569
I THOUGHT YOUR VAGINA
WAS REMOVED

362
00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:41,029
DURING YOUR HYSTERECTOMY.

363
00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:44,449
THE UTERUS IS DIFFERENT
FROM A VAGINA.

364
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,826
I STILL HAVE A VAGINA.

365
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:51,414
ATTENTION, EVERYONE, HELLO.

366
00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:53,792
UH, YES, I JUST WANT YOU
TO KNOW THAT, UH,

367
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,377
THIS IS NOT MY DECISION.

368
00:13:55,418 --> 00:13:57,796
YOU CAN CONSIDER THIS
MY RETIREMENT FROM COMEDY.

369
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,590
DOES THAT INCLUDE
"THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID"?

370
00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:03,218
MM-HMM. YES.

371
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:05,136
WOW, THAT IS REALLY HARD.

372
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:08,515
YOU REALLY THINK
YOU CAN GO ALL DAY LONG?

373
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,685
WELL.

374
00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:14,187
YOU ALWAYS LEFT ME
SATISFIED AND SMILING, SO.

375
00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:17,065
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

376
00:14:17,107 --> 00:14:19,359
- [laughing loudly]
- MICHAEL. MICHAEL!

377
00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:21,236
WHY DID YOU GET IT SO BIG?

378
00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:23,154
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

379
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:25,490
DOES THE SKIN LOOK RED
AND SWOLLEN?

380
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:26,825
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

381
00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:29,160
THAT'S MY JOKE.
DAMN IT, DWIGHT.

382
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:31,663
HOW ABOUT THE PHYLLIS-ANGELA
DISPUTE?

383
00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:33,206
YOU ALREADY DID ME.

384
00:14:33,248 --> 00:14:34,541
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

385
00:14:34,582 --> 00:14:35,667
IS THERE ANY MUSTARD?

386
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:37,669
NO MUSTARD. NO MUSTARD.

387
00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:39,587
JUST...EAT IT.
EAT IT, PHYLLIS.

388
00:14:39,629 --> 00:14:40,922
DIP IT IN THE WATER

389
00:14:40,964 --> 00:14:42,340
SO IT'LL SLIDE DOWN YOUR GULLET
MORE EASILY.

390
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:43,675
all: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID.

391
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:45,510
NO, NO, NO, NOT THAT.
JUST--COME ON, YOU GUYS.

392
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:46,720
LET'S DO IT.

393
00:14:51,933 --> 00:14:55,395
I DON'T KNOW HOW
I'M GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS.

394
00:14:55,437 --> 00:14:57,731
I DON'T WANNA LIE.

395
00:14:57,772 --> 00:15:00,233
AND I <i>DON'T</i> WANNA
TELL THE TRUTH.

396
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:05,780
SO I JUST WANNA
LET YOU KNOW--

397
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:08,450
THE GUY WHO YOU WERE
TALKING TO IS AN IDIOT.

398
00:15:08,491 --> 00:15:10,243
HE IS A LIAR.

399
00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:11,870
HE IS DIVORCED.

400
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,580
I'M DIVORCED.

401
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:16,916
UM, WELL...

402
00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:19,753
SO AM I, SO THAT MAKES
THREE OF US.

403
00:15:19,794 --> 00:15:23,048
AND WE SHOULD ALL HIT
THE SINGLES BARS.

404
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:24,174
MM.

405
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,931
WHAT ABOUT SALES SPECIFICALLY?

406
00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:33,808
HEY, TOBES.
WHATCHA DOIN'?

407
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:35,185
WHAT YOU GUYS TALKING ABOUT?

408
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,687
WELL, ERIC'S JUST GOING OVER
SOME STUFF.

409
00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:39,731
STUFF. I LOVE STUFF.

410
00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:41,232
IT'S H.R. STUFF.

411
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:45,612
H.R. STUFF?
H.R. PUFNSTUF.

412
00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:47,530
RIGHT UP MY ALLEY.
WHAT IS THAT?

413
00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:49,032
WHAT KIND OF STUFF
IS THAT?

414
00:15:49,074 --> 00:15:51,743
IT'S, UM, IT'S A COMPANY
EVALUATION FORM.

415
00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:53,411
AH.

416
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:56,539
- WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, UH--
- TALKING ABOUT, UH, WHAT?

417
00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:58,083
UH, WASTE IS NEXT.

418
00:15:58,124 --> 00:15:59,334
WASTE?

419
00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:01,336
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
LIKE GARBAGE?

420
00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:03,588
NO, WASTE OF TIME
AND RESOURCES.

421
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:06,216
OH. TIME AND RESOURCES.

422
00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:07,884
LOOK, YOU KNOW,
IN ANY COMPANY,

423
00:16:07,926 --> 00:16:08,968
THERE'S GONNA BE
A CERTAIN DEGREE--

424
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,970
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

425
00:16:11,012 --> 00:16:13,306
RESPECTFULLY TOBY, NO.

426
00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:17,435
NO, THIS COMPANY DOES NOT
WASTE TIME OR RESOURCES EVER.

427
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:20,313
[Dwight and Michael screaming]

428
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,692
WHOA, HO, HO, HO, HO!

429
00:16:23,733 --> 00:16:26,653
- WHOO-HOO!
- [laughing]

430
00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:29,531
- HERE WE GO.
- GO, GO, GO!

431
00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:31,700
DIG DEEP, DIG DEEP.

432
00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:32,909
[screaming]

433
00:16:32,951 --> 00:16:34,369
OH, OH, OH!

434
00:16:34,411 --> 00:16:35,954
- IT'S PHYLLIS.
- IT'S PHYLLIS.

435
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,248
PHYLLIS BY A NOSE.
GOLD MEDAL IN FLERNUNTIN.

436
00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:39,833
FLONKERTON.

437
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:41,751
WHERE IS MY DESK?

438
00:16:43,378 --> 00:16:44,838
THAT IS WEIRD.

439
00:16:44,879 --> 00:16:46,589
HAPPY HOLIDAYS, DWIGHT.

440
00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:48,508
BUT DO NOT OPEN IT
UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

441
00:16:48,550 --> 00:16:50,635
YOU'RE SO PATHETIC.
WELL, I HOPE IT WAS WORTH IT.

442
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:53,555
'CAUSE I'M GONNA TAKE IT APART
IN ABOUT FIVE MINUTES.

443
00:16:53,596 --> 00:16:55,390
I THINK IT'LL TAKE YOU
A LITTLE BIT LONGER THAN THAT.

444
00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:57,892
IF I CAN SKIN A MULE DEAR
IN LESS THAN TEN MINUTES,

445
00:16:57,934 --> 00:17:01,813
I OUGHT TO BE ABLE TO CUT--

446
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:04,774
OH! DAMN IT! JIM!

447
00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:06,401
OKAY, HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

448
00:17:06,443 --> 00:17:08,945
JUDGE IS IN SESSION.
WHAT IS THE PROBLEM HERE?

449
00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:10,947
HE PUT MY STUFF
IN JELL-O AGAIN.

450
00:17:10,989 --> 00:17:12,699
[laughs]

451
00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:15,910
[in a low-pitched voice]
BURN, BOOM, SHAKE, AH!

452
00:17:15,952 --> 00:17:19,414
WHY, HELLO EVERYBODY.

453
00:17:19,456 --> 00:17:21,541
- [growling]
- WHOA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

454
00:17:21,583 --> 00:17:22,709
- COME ON.
- STOP.

455
00:17:22,751 --> 00:17:24,002
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!

456
00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:27,589
QUESTION,
WHAT KIND OF BEAR IS BEST?

457
00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:29,090
THAT'S A RIDICULOUS QUESTION.

458
00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:31,009
FALSE. BLACK BEAR.

459
00:17:31,051 --> 00:17:32,510
WELL, THAT'S DEBATABLE.

460
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,512
THERE ARE BASICALLY
TWO SCHOOLS OF THOUGHT.

461
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,681
FACT. BEARS EAT BEETS.

462
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:39,100
- OH...
- BEARS, BEETS...

463
00:17:39,142 --> 00:17:40,727
<i>BATTLESTAR GALACTICA.</i>

464
00:17:40,769 --> 00:17:41,978
BEARS DO NOT--

465
00:17:42,020 --> 00:17:43,646
WHAT IS GOING ON?

466
00:17:43,688 --> 00:17:45,315
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

467
00:17:46,983 --> 00:17:49,402
IDENTITY THEFT
IS NOT A JOKE, JIM.

468
00:17:49,444 --> 00:17:52,739
MILLIONS OF FAMILIES
SUFFER EVERY YEAR.

469
00:17:52,781 --> 00:17:55,158
- MICHAEL!
- OH, THAT'S FUNNY.

470
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,326
MICHAEL!

471
00:17:56,368 --> 00:17:58,161
IS ANYONE NEAR
RETIREMENT AGE?

472
00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:02,415
THIS IS CREED.

473
00:18:02,457 --> 00:18:05,001
AND HE IS CHARGE OF...
SOMETHING. RIGHT?

474
00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:06,294
THAT IS CORRECT.

475
00:18:06,336 --> 00:18:07,629
- SAY HI TO THE KIDS.
- HI, KIDS.

476
00:18:07,671 --> 00:18:09,130
YAY.

477
00:18:09,172 --> 00:18:11,966
YOU EVER SEEN A FOOT
WITH FOUR TOES?

478
00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:13,468
- kids: EW!
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

479
00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:15,178
STOP IT, STOP IT.
JUST--NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

480
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:16,471
WOULD YOU CUT IT OUT?

481
00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:17,806
OKAY, RYAN.

482
00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:19,641
YOU TOLD TOBY THAT CREED HAS

483
00:18:19,683 --> 00:18:22,560
"A DISTINCT OLD MAN SMELL"?

484
00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:26,147
I KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.

485
00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:28,525
I SPROUT MUNG BEANS
ON A DAMP PAPER TOWEL

486
00:18:28,566 --> 00:18:29,859
IN MY DESK DRAWER.

487
00:18:29,901 --> 00:18:33,530
VERY NUTRITIOUS,
BUT THEY SMELL LIKE DEATH.

488
00:18:33,571 --> 00:18:34,948
HEY, WHERE'S DWIGHT?

489
00:18:34,989 --> 00:18:36,199
YOU DIDN'T HEAR?

490
00:18:36,241 --> 00:18:38,702
DECAPITATED.
WHOLE BIG THING.

491
00:18:38,743 --> 00:18:41,287
WE HAD A FUNERAL
FOR A BIRD.

492
00:18:42,497 --> 00:18:44,666
I'M PRETTY SURE
NONE OF THAT'S REAL.

493
00:18:44,708 --> 00:18:47,502
YOU'RE NOT REAL, MAN.

494
00:18:47,544 --> 00:18:49,087
HEY.

495
00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:52,799
UH, YEAH, I FINALLY GOT A CHANCE
TO SIT DOWN WITH H.R.

496
00:18:52,841 --> 00:18:55,343
SO...

497
00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:57,220
WELL, I THINK I'M GONNA
BE HERE FOR A WHILE.

498
00:19:01,016 --> 00:19:02,892
I FEEL LIKE SOMETIMES
I'M GETTING

499
00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:04,310
DIFFERENT ANSWERS FROM YOU TWO.

500
00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:05,520
ARE YOU BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE?

501
00:19:05,562 --> 00:19:07,605
- FROM US? REALLY?
- YEAH.

502
00:19:09,149 --> 00:19:11,067
- I DON'T--
- I THINK WE'RE BEING CLEAR.

503
00:19:11,109 --> 00:19:12,694
I THINK WE'RE--YEAH.

504
00:19:12,736 --> 00:19:14,779
WE'RE ALWAYS ON THE SAME PAGE.

505
00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:17,532
IT'S HARD TO GET US OFF
THE SAME PAGE, RIGHT?

506
00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:18,450
YEAH.

507
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:21,828
WE COMPLETE EACH OTHER'S...

508
00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:23,079
SENTENCES.

509
00:19:23,121 --> 00:19:24,247
OR THOUGHTS.

510
00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:25,874
I WAS THINKING THOUGHTS, BUT--

511
00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:27,250
YOU WERE.

512
00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:29,919
SO COULD WE TALK ABOUT
THE PHYSICAL BUILDING?

513
00:19:29,961 --> 00:19:31,338
YES. THANK YOU.

514
00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:33,715
UH, I'VE ACTUALLY HAD CONCERNS
FOR MANY YEARS NOW

515
00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:35,091
ABOUT RADON GAS.

516
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:36,885
I'M GLAD YOU ASKED.
THE BUILDING IS FINE.

517
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,928
THERE'S SOMETHING VERY SPECIAL
ABOUT THIS BUILDING,

518
00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:40,472
WOULDN'T YOU SAY?

519
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:45,685
I MEAN, THIS IS A BUILDING
WHERE FRIENDS BECOME LOVERS,

520
00:19:45,727 --> 00:19:50,315
AND LOVERS BECOME
SEXUALLY INTERACTIVE.

521
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:52,400
RIGHT?
WOULD YOU AGREE WITH THAT?

522
00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:54,819
MICHAEL, THIS IS REALLY
INAPPROPRIATE TO TALK ABOUT.

523
00:19:54,861 --> 00:19:56,654
THAT'S--THAT IS TRUE.

524
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:58,198
MM.

525
00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:01,785
WHAT?

526
00:20:01,826 --> 00:20:03,244
MM.

527
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:11,086
[scoffs]

528
00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:13,797
I LIKE YOU.

529
00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:16,257
BUT YOU NEED TO ACCESS
YOUR UNCRAZY SIDE.

530
00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:18,927
DARRYL PHILBIN
IS THE MOST COMPLICATED MAN

531
00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:20,470
THAT I HAVE EVER MET.

532
00:20:20,512 --> 00:20:23,515
I MEAN, WHO SAYS
EXACTLY WHAT THEY'RE THINKING?

533
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:26,559
WHAT KIND OF GAME IS THAT?

534
00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:29,938
I'M SO HAPPY WE DON'T
HAVE TO BREAK UP NOW, RYAN!

535
00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:31,606
MM, MM, MM.

536
00:20:31,648 --> 00:20:33,274
THIS IS THE BEST DAY
OF MY WHOLE LIFE.

537
00:20:33,316 --> 00:20:36,403
WHEN I SAID THAT
I WANTED TO HAVE KIDS

538
00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:38,988
AND YOU SAID THAT YOU WANTED ME
TO HAVE A VASECTOMY,

539
00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:40,448
WHAT DID I DO?

540
00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:42,617
AND THEN WHEN YOU SAID
THAT YOU MIGHT WANNA HAVE KIDS

541
00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:45,161
AND I WASN'T SO SURE,
WHO HAD THE VASECTOMY REVERSED?

542
00:20:45,203 --> 00:20:46,413
AND THEN WHEN YOU SAID

543
00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:47,706
YOU DEFINITELY
DIDN'T WANNA HAVE KIDS,

544
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:49,124
WELL, IT REVERSED BACK.

545
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:50,917
SNIP-SNAP, SNIP-SNAP,
SNIP-SNAP!

546
00:20:50,959 --> 00:20:52,377
- I DID.
- OKAY.

547
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:55,380
YOU HAVE NO IDEA
THE PHYSICAL TOLL

548
00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:57,966
THAT THREE VASECTOMIES
HAVE ON A PERSON.

549
00:20:58,008 --> 00:20:59,843
KELLY,
I'M YOUR BOSS NOW. OKAY?

550
00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:02,137
YOU CAN'T KEEP TALKING TO ME
LIKE I'M YOUR BOYFRIEND.

551
00:21:02,178 --> 00:21:05,473
OH, BIG STRONG MAN.
FANCY NEW WHATEVER.

552
00:21:05,515 --> 00:21:06,766
I DON'T THINK
YOU EVER CARED ABOUT ME.

553
00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:07,767
I NEVER CARED ABOUT YOU?

554
00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:09,019
SIX MONTHS AGO,
KAREN FILIPELLI

555
00:21:09,060 --> 00:21:10,562
SENT ME AN EMAIL
ASKING ME OUT.

556
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,731
I SAID NO BECAUSE I WAS
COMMITTED TO OUR RELATIONSHIP.

557
00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,399
WELL, I HOPE
YOU'RE STILL COMMITTED

558
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:16,276
BECAUSE I'M PREGNANT.

559
00:21:18,945 --> 00:21:21,156
THIS IS AN IMAGE...

560
00:21:21,197 --> 00:21:23,408
THAT I WANT YOU PEOPLE
TO REMEMBER

561
00:21:23,450 --> 00:21:25,577
FOR A LONG TIME TO COME.

562
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:27,078
WHENEVER YOU COME INTO
THE OFFICE,

563
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:29,247
I WANT YOU TO THINK
ABOUT THIS.

564
00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:31,082
WE DON'T NEED TO.

565
00:21:31,124 --> 00:21:33,626
- YES, WE DO.
- WHAT?

566
00:21:33,668 --> 00:21:35,253
OH, MY GOD.

567
00:21:41,551 --> 00:21:43,970
OH! AH!

568
00:21:44,012 --> 00:21:46,014
- OH!
- AH!

569
00:21:46,056 --> 00:21:48,391
AH. OH...

570
00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:50,518
I DID IT.
[sniffles]

571
00:21:52,062 --> 00:21:53,646
- THANK YOU.
- THANK YOU.

572
00:21:53,688 --> 00:21:56,441
JIM HAS GOT IT BAD
FOR PAM.

573
00:21:56,483 --> 00:21:58,902
OH, HO.
WHICH ONE IS PAM?

574
00:22:00,570 --> 00:22:03,114
- WHAT?
- NOTHING.

575
00:22:03,156 --> 00:22:04,949
OKAY.

576
00:22:04,991 --> 00:22:06,451
WHAT?

577
00:22:06,493 --> 00:22:08,870
I DON'T KNOW. WHAT?

578
00:22:08,912 --> 00:22:10,205
OH, MY GOD.

579
00:22:10,246 --> 00:22:11,831
DO YOU WANT
TO TELL ME SOMETHING?

580
00:22:11,873 --> 00:22:14,626
YOU LOOK LIKE
YOU WANNA TELL ME SOMETHING.

581
00:22:14,668 --> 00:22:16,211
YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE SOMETHING
REALLY IMPORTANT TO SAY

582
00:22:16,252 --> 00:22:18,630
AND YOU JUST CAN'T
FOR SOME REASON.

583
00:22:20,965 --> 00:22:23,426
COME ON, YOU CAN TELL ME.

584
00:22:23,468 --> 00:22:26,846
JIM.
YOU CAN TELL ME ANYTHING.

585
00:22:33,895 --> 00:22:35,188
YOU HAVE NEW MUSIC?

586
00:22:35,230 --> 00:22:37,065
YEAH.

587
00:22:37,107 --> 00:22:38,441
DEFINITELY.

588
00:22:38,483 --> 00:22:41,611
[Travis' <i>Sing]</i>

589
00:22:41,653 --> 00:22:48,451
♪ ♪

590
00:22:50,120 --> 00:22:52,038
BRING IT IN. HERE WE GO.

591
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,374
YEAH!
[laughter]

592
00:22:56,376 --> 00:22:58,378
LOOK INSIDE.

593
00:22:58,420 --> 00:23:01,047
* YOU'VE BEEN GOING
SO CRAZY ♪

594
00:23:01,089 --> 00:23:03,008
♪ ♪

595
00:23:03,049 --> 00:23:04,968
OH, MY GOD!

596
00:23:05,010 --> 00:23:08,054
* LATELY, NOTHING SEEMS
TO BE GOING RIGHT ♪

597
00:23:08,096 --> 00:23:09,556
♪ SOLO-- ♪

598
00:23:09,597 --> 00:23:11,391
I BET JIM GOT THE JOB.

599
00:23:11,433 --> 00:23:13,184
I MEAN, WHY WOULDN'T HE?

600
00:23:13,226 --> 00:23:15,770
HE'S TOTALLY QUALIFIED
AND SMART.

601
00:23:15,812 --> 00:23:17,355
EVERYONE LOVES HIM.

602
00:23:17,397 --> 00:23:19,065
IF HE NEVER
COMES BACK AGAIN,

603
00:23:19,107 --> 00:23:21,151
IT'S OKAY.

604
00:23:21,192 --> 00:23:22,444
WE'RE FRIENDS.

605
00:23:22,485 --> 00:23:24,404
WE JUST--
WE NEVER GOT THE TIMING RIGHT.

606
00:23:24,446 --> 00:23:27,282
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S OKAY.

607
00:23:27,323 --> 00:23:29,242
I'M TOTALLY FINE.

608
00:23:29,284 --> 00:23:30,952
EVERYTHING IS GONNA BE
TOTALLY--

609
00:23:30,994 --> 00:23:32,871
PAM. SORRY.

610
00:23:32,912 --> 00:23:36,374
UM, ARE YOU FREE
FOR DINNER TONIGHT?

611
00:23:36,416 --> 00:23:39,044
- YES.
- ALL RIGHT.

612
00:23:39,085 --> 00:23:41,338
THEN IT'S A DATE.

613
00:23:41,379 --> 00:23:43,423
♪ ♪

614
00:23:43,465 --> 00:23:48,887
♪ COLDER, CRYING OVER
YOUR SHOULDER ♪

615
00:23:48,928 --> 00:23:51,431
I'M SORRY,
WHAT WAS THE QUESTION?

616
00:23:51,473 --> 00:23:53,308
OH, MY GOD.

617
00:23:56,227 --> 00:23:58,772
PAM, WILL YOU MARRY ME?

618
00:23:58,813 --> 00:23:59,898
OH, MY GOD.

619
00:23:59,939 --> 00:24:02,317
[cheering]

620
00:24:02,359 --> 00:24:04,569
♪ 'CAUSE NO ONE'S GONNA
BE STOPPED ♪

621
00:24:04,611 --> 00:24:06,279
♪ NA NA NA NA ♪

622
00:24:06,321 --> 00:24:10,867
♪ BUT IF YOU SING ♪

623
00:24:10,909 --> 00:24:12,494
♪ ♪

624
00:24:12,535 --> 00:24:14,412
♪ SING ♪

625
00:24:14,454 --> 00:24:17,457
♪ SING, SING, SING ♪

626
00:24:17,499 --> 00:24:20,168
♪ FOR THE LOVE YOU BRING ♪

627
00:24:20,210 --> 00:24:24,255
♪ WON'T MEAN A THING ♪

628
00:24:24,297 --> 00:24:26,424
♪ UNLESS YOU SING ♪

629
00:24:26,466 --> 00:24:28,468
♪ SING, SING, SING ♪

630
00:24:28,510 --> 00:24:30,637
[music fades out]

631
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,275
- THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- THANK YOU.

632
00:24:44,317 --> 00:24:45,610
- THANK YOU.
- THANK YOU.

633
00:24:45,652 --> 00:24:48,488
IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU ALL.

634
00:24:48,530 --> 00:24:50,240
- GOOD TO MEET YOU.
- HAVE A GREAT DAY.

635
00:24:50,281 --> 00:24:51,783
- I HOPE TO SEE YOU SOON.
- YEAH.

636
00:24:51,825 --> 00:24:53,118
I FEEL VERY SORRY
FOR THAT BANKER

637
00:24:53,159 --> 00:24:56,871
BECAUSE HE HAS TO EVALUATE
WHAT WE ARE WORTH.

638
00:24:56,913 --> 00:24:59,666
HE HAS TO DECIDE
WHAT WE'RE CAPABLE OF.

639
00:24:59,708 --> 00:25:01,960
AND HOW DO YOU DO THAT?

640
00:25:02,002 --> 00:25:04,295
WHAT IS JIM CAPABLE OF?

641
00:25:04,337 --> 00:25:06,256
OR PAM?

642
00:25:06,297 --> 00:25:08,717
OR KEVIN?

643
00:25:08,758 --> 00:25:11,636
* OUT OF PAPER,
OUT OF STOCK ♪

644
00:25:11,678 --> 00:25:15,223
♪ THE FRIENDLY FACES
AROUND THE BLOCK ♪

645
00:25:15,265 --> 00:25:17,350
♪ BREAK LOSE
FROM THE CHAINS ♪

646
00:25:17,392 --> 00:25:19,602
♪ THAT ARE CAUSING YOUR PAIN ♪

647
00:25:19,644 --> 00:25:21,479
♪ CALL MICHAEL AND FAMILY ♪

648
00:25:21,521 --> 00:25:22,772
♪ JIM, DWIGHT, CREED ♪

649
00:25:22,814 --> 00:25:24,357
♪ CALL ANDY AND KELLY ♪

650
00:25:24,399 --> 00:25:26,026
♪ FOR YOUR BUSINESS
PAPER NEEDS ♪

651
00:25:26,067 --> 00:25:27,861
♪ DUNDER MIFFLIN ♪

652
00:25:27,902 --> 00:25:29,446
♪ THE PEOPLE PERSON'S
PAPER PEOPLE ♪

653
00:25:29,487 --> 00:25:30,780
♪ DUNDER MIFFLIN ♪

654
00:25:30,822 --> 00:25:33,033
♪ THE PEOPLE PERSON'S
PAPER PEOPLE ♪

655
00:25:33,074 --> 00:25:34,159
♪ DUNDER MIFFLIN ♪

656
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:35,452
♪ THE PEOPLE PERSON'S
PAPER PEOPLE ♪

657
00:25:35,493 --> 00:25:36,786
I DON'T CARE.

658
00:25:36,828 --> 00:25:38,663
IF HE GOES
AND FILES A REPORT

659
00:25:38,705 --> 00:25:40,123
THAT SAYS
WE'RE NOTHING SPECIAL,

660
00:25:40,165 --> 00:25:44,461
BECAUSE I THINK
OUR FUTURE IS VERY BRIGHT.

661
00:25:44,502 --> 00:25:45,837
WE HAVE ONLY JUST BEGUN.

662
00:25:45,879 --> 00:25:49,716
COMPUTRON EXPERIENCING EMOTION.

663
00:25:49,758 --> 00:25:52,260
COMPUTRON,
I'M GONNA PULL YOUR PLUG.

664
00:25:52,302 --> 00:25:54,596
OKAY, BUDDY?

665
00:25:54,637 --> 00:25:56,431
- OKAY.
- JUST SH--

666
00:25:58,975 --> 00:26:00,518
PLEASE DON'T.

667
00:26:02,479 --> 00:26:04,189
- COMPUTRON WANTS TO LIVE.
- SHUT--

668
00:26:04,230 --> 00:26:06,441
SHUT UP. SHUT UP.

669
00:26:13,656 --> 00:26:15,158
* SITTIN' IN MY OFFICE
WITH A PLATE OF GRILLED BACON ♪

670
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:17,118
♪ CALL MY MAN DWIGHT JUST TO SEE
WHAT WAS SHAKIN' ♪

671
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:19,746
* YO MIKE,
OUR TOWN IS DOPE AND PRETTY ♪

672
00:26:19,788 --> 00:26:20,872
* SO CHECK OUT
HOW WE LIVE ♪

673
00:26:20,914 --> 00:26:23,375
both:
♪ IN THE ELECTRIC CITY ♪

674
00:26:23,416 --> 00:26:24,959
- * THEY CALL IT SCRANTON *
- * WHAT ♪

675
00:26:25,001 --> 00:26:26,127
* THE ELECTRIC CITY ♪

676
00:26:26,169 --> 00:26:27,462
- ♪ SCRANTON *
- * WHAT ♪

677
00:26:27,504 --> 00:26:28,797
* THE ELECTRIC CITY ♪

678
00:26:28,838 --> 00:26:31,132
♪ LAZY SCRANTON,
THE ELECTRIC CITY ♪

679
00:26:31,174 --> 00:26:33,718
♪ THEY CALL IT THAT
'CAUSE OF THE ELECTRICITY ♪

680
00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:36,096
♪ THE CITY'S LAID OUT
FROM EAST TO WEST ♪

681
00:26:36,137 --> 00:26:37,639
♪ AND OUR PUBLIC PARKS
AND LIBRARIES ♪

682
00:26:37,681 --> 00:26:39,099
♪ ARE TRULY THE BEST ♪

683
00:26:39,140 --> 00:26:41,559
♪ CALL POISON CONTROL
IF YOU'RE BIT BY A SPIDER ♪

684
00:26:41,601 --> 00:26:42,936
* BUT CHECK THAT
IT'S COVERED ♪

685
00:26:42,977 --> 00:26:44,729
both: * BY YOUR HEALTH CARE
PROVIDER ♪

686
00:26:44,771 --> 00:26:46,981
* PLENTY OF SPACE
IN THE PARKING LOT ♪

687
00:26:47,023 --> 00:26:49,818
* BUT THE LITTLE CARS GO
IN THE COMPACT SPOT ♪

688
00:26:49,859 --> 00:26:52,612
both: * SPOT, SPOT,
SPOT, SPOT, SPOT ♪

689
00:26:52,654 --> 00:26:55,240
- * SNACK ATTACK TIME *
- * DON'T LOSE YOUR HEAD ♪

690
00:26:55,281 --> 00:26:58,827
* WE LIKE CUGINO'S *
both: * FOR THE TASTY BREAD ♪

691
00:26:58,868 --> 00:27:00,245
- * THEY CALL IT SCRANTON *
- * WHAT ♪

692
00:27:00,286 --> 00:27:01,746
* THE ELECTRIC CITY ♪

693
00:27:01,788 --> 00:27:02,789
- ♪ SCRANTON *
- * WHAT ♪

694
00:27:02,831 --> 00:27:04,165
* THE ELECTRIC CITY ♪

695
00:27:04,207 --> 00:27:05,333
- ♪ SCRANTON *
- * WHAT ♪

696
00:27:05,375 --> 00:27:06,584
* THE ELECTRIC CITY ♪

697
00:27:06,626 --> 00:27:07,836
- ♪ SCRANTON *
- * WHAT ♪

698
00:27:07,877 --> 00:27:09,504
* THE ELECTRIC CITY *
SCRANTON ♪

699
00:27:09,546 --> 00:27:10,880
- * WHAT *
- DAH!